It’s the 4th of July. Fireworks are all around me. Even in the city that never sleeps, more often than not, I meet women who are stuck in some kind of dependent mindset in which they long for prince charming, a house with a white picket fence and 1.94 kids. The cost of this delusion is shitty sex and controlled vaginas.
Which is hard to believe in this day and age – and in this city. I feel like I’m in some kind of delusional Disney movie where women are looking for the Prince Charming Leprechaun Unicorn to make all their problems go away!
Here’s a 6 step example of the brainwashing of American women that I see.
If you want sex, something must be wrong with you.
If you want a “stable monogamous” relationship – but you don’t want sex – then something is right with you.
If you want sex but don’t want commitment – there IS something broken in you.
There is only a limited amount of love to go around. Give love to one person only – because if you love more that one, you take away from another. Like the stock market, love is a zero sum game.
One partner should and must supply every need in your life – and if they aren’t, something is wrong with you, something is wrong with them or something is wrong with the relationship.
Be miserable and tolerate intolerable behavior in the name of romantic love – the feeling of “but I love him/her.”
[Tweet “If you want sex but don’t want commitment – there is something broken in you #sexualbrainwashing”]
This simple brainwashing formula creates a ton of unhappy people in unhappy, sexless relationships and it makes me want to scream. Because women act like these “moral” ideas are absolute truths, facts and reality. And for most of us, this can’t be farther from the truth.
The problem is that critical thinking is not a natural thing. It must be learned. And if we think critically about the brainwashing formula – and its myriad of forms – it’s easy to see that these ideas are just a bunch of made up hooey. For example – step 5. Show me evidence that shows that the majority of people experience one person supplying them with everything.
It’s just not reality.
What’s wrong is the brainwashing model we are using, not the people using it. Sexual brainwashing is a form of learned helplessness. Learned helplessness is essentially the idea that our beliefs in god, morality, the universe, karma, etc are real tangible things. And our belief in their extra worldly power, in effect, make us powerless. Helpless to change.
Our beliefs create patterns of behavior shaped by negative, suppressive experiences. We take it to mean something about our inner selves. We learn to act helpless in our search for love and relationships – even though we are not!
The key point is that if you have no control in your life regarding sex and love, then you learn there is no escape. So eventually we lose our voice. We lose ourselves. We lose our ability to take action – even though we actually CAN take action. This is what my TantraXO course is all about. Helping women break free of the bullshit psychological brainwashing that creates learned helplessness.
The good news is this: If you can learn it, you can unlearn it! So here’s to psychological Independence Day!