You generally have to plan events to get them to go your way, plus you have to influence those involved. Being able to influence your date is no exception. To influence someone is to have an impact on their behavior and so get them to do what you want, whether that is going to see a film of your choice, eating in a particular restaurant or agreeing to another date. From a date, you might want fun and laughter, romance, sex, conversation or companionship.
Start by understanding their starting position. Is the person in agreement or opposed to your idea, or don’t they mind either way? You have to be realistic about how far you can move that person. If they hate the cinema, it doesn’t matter what film you want to see, they won’t enjoy it and will only go grudgingly, and the date won’t be successful. However, if they like action/adventure films, you might be able to get them to see a romantic comedy as the person isn’t completed opposed to going to the cinema. Similarly, if they just want friendship from the date, it’s going to be much more difficult to get them to come home with you at the end of the night. After understanding where the person is, you then need to construct a plan to influence your date to your own way of thinking, such as meeting up again that week.
6 Sure Fire Ways to Influence your Date:
1. The Grab
This is where you really want to capture someone’s attention to make sure they are listening with their eyes and ears, so tell them what could go on at the next date, i.e. “I know you love this particular band and have all their music. I’ve got tickets to see them on Thursday, and would love you to come”. This may sound corny, but you can influence your date with giving them an opportunity they can’t refuse. You could then soon have their full attention and agreement to the next date.
2 The Idea Itself
You need to explain really clearly what you want, and what this looks like, i.e. “I’ve really enjoyed our evening and would like to take you to see the band this week”. Be specific!
3. Influence your Date
What’s the benefit to the individual you are trying to sell your idea to? The other person really wants to see the band and likes the fact you have listened to them and taken on board their interests.
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Influence your date, by reminding him or her, that they had said they loved the band, and now he or she has the opportunity to see them perform this week.
Think about as many possible objections to your idea. What’s really going to be a deal breaker and how might you counter that, i.e. “It’s a work night”, “It’s too far to get home afterwards”, “I’ve got something else going on”. Counter arguments could be “The venue has a curfew so it won’t be finishing too late”, “I’ll pay for a cab” or “I’ve got a spare room”, and lastly, “This is the band’s last gig in the area”.
Repeat what you just said to the other person, for example “So you will come to see the band with me on Thursday. I’ll meet you in the pub at 8.30, and we’ll share a cab afterwards”.
When you are trying to influence your date, it’s not just the words that are important, but also how you behave. Use a strong voice, when suggesting the course of action, you must sound convincing. Don’t procrastinate and use “um..” or “er..” or “you know what I mean?”, otherwise your message gets lost. Ensure you use appropriate eye contact, to engage and convince your date of the idea. Make good use of gestures to support your message, i.e. body language that is positive, such as leaning forward, using hand gestures, smiling and nodding.
When you are pitching your idea (deliberate choice of words), allow silence to happen. A lot of us find silence uncomfortable and fill it with meaningless words or “white noise”, which detracts from the message being given. Being silent is an opportunity for the other person to show they are engaged in the conversation and have taken on board the idea, or allows them to raise any objections, which you then have time to counter balance. Lastly, influence your date by using open questions, to ensure you have convinced them to your way of thinking. What you don’t want is to get home to a message that says “thanks, but no thanks”, due to second thoughts.
To gain a greater insight into Influencing Skills and how they can be used in a range of contexts, read my blog at www.professionaldevelopmentpeople.co.uk bit.ly/1nabMXn