The SW Experts | Is It Love That You’re After Or Just a Good Time?
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Is It Love That You're After Or Just a Good Time

Is It Love That You’re After Or Just a Good Time?

Is it love youre after or a good timeAfter watching a TV program one evening, a friend and I were left debating the real life scenario portrayed of a couple in a relationship of 16 years. They were not living together but appeared to be in an exclusive relationship.  Interestingly, in the first part of the show, there was a scene where the couple were enjoying a romantic promenade together, and the lady says, “we both know this relationship is leading to marriage” and the man says words to the effect, “where did you get that idea?”; it raised the question of what the entire relationship was all about!

I cannot imagine for the life of me, staying with a man for 16 months never mind 16 years unless it was clearly understood to both of us where we were going. And being sure we were both on the same page. My mother taught me better than that!

I mean, fair enough, if you are happy to spend your life in such fashion. If you really don’t mind being in a very long term relationship with no commitment in sight. No children either.

There are some people that say there are not enough men to go around and that all women cannot expect to be married. 

I believe you can speak your own truth over your life. If that includes a spouse then say it and believe it.  People are getting married all the time.  

If you have never wanted to settle down and raise a family (I did not say, have kids, but instead, raise a family) and are prepared to give yourself, your time and your energy to various people and relationships without a commitment to anything further,  it can work.

[Tweet “If he knows he likes it, why hasn’t he put a ring on it? #RelationshipAdvice”]


I stipulate raising a family as opposed to having kids, as some people have the idea that they want kids and in the end that’s exactly what they get, but there is no man in the home, just them and their kid(s).  But maybe that is another blog!

However, in this case the woman was expecting marriage to be the outcome. We can ask why is she still waiting 16 years on, (that I don’t understand, childbearing years are clearly long gone and you are no longer in your first bloom)  if he doesn’t want to marry you after all this time, will he ever? And how long are you prepared to hang around?

If he knows he likes it, why hasn’t he put a ring on it?

I’m not impressed with the man or the woman in this case.  Surely, a gentleman isn’t going to lead a woman on for 16 years, giving her enough emotional crumbs so that she thinks he really cares!  And lady you need to know your value.  You need to know your worth.  You’re still a queen even when there’s no king.  He is not the one!

As my good friend and favourite coach, Dr Ryeal Simms,  says “Women, you are the Chooser, not the Chosen, you are the Employer, men are just trying to get the job!”