The SW Experts | Jealousy: Vanquishing That Green-Eyed Monster Forever
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Jealousy: Vanquishing That Green-Eyed Monster Forever

Vanquishing the green-eyed monster


The “J” word. Get pegged as “being jealous” and you wind up with a bad rap. It’s something that’s long been classified as a red flag.

“Ugh. I like him a lot, but he’s like soooo jealous.”

“Omg. I just went to lunch with another guy friend and my BF got ALL bent out of shape. I…I just can’t stand how jealous he is.”

“She’s been talking to her ex…She says it’s just friendly, but I’m getting kind of freaked out.”

Let’s paint this red flag white in the spirit of acceptance.

Although we each experience jealousy to varying degrees, the fact remains that we ALL get jealous. It is a core human emotion. Rather than look at it as a strike against a person or a character defect, let’s talk about its true nature and how you can CHANGE your actions and reactions when you hear jealousy’s obnoxious shouts and screams.

Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that we will experience human emotion no matter what. I’d add it to death and taxes as one of life’s absolutes; despite your own cultural, religious, ethical philosophy, humans will be attracted to other humans both sexually and emotionally whether or not a monogamous relationship has been established. Period.

So how does this help us deal with this tricky emotion?

Once we truly accept AND internalize our humanity and imperfections thereof, it becomes more and more difficult to resent people for experiencing their share of human emotion. Of course, we are not animals and we do have the gifts (or curses) of sentience and choice over our behavior. However, imperfection is bundled within the package of our existence.

Considering this, I ask the question: how can any of us point the finger? Your significant other is just as vulnerable to jealousy, envy, lust, anger, and fear as you are.

There is another critical concept that must be embraced to transcend the bonds of jealousy. Let’s not forget about the “T” word: TRUST!

This is very difficult for some of us, but jealousy and trust cannot exist at the same time.Embracing trust is taking a risk and many of us shy away from risk due to fear. When jealous, we experience fear of loss, of losing our special someone. When we surrender to trust and let go of the outcome while accepting our human flaws, jealousy mysteriously seems to vanish. Put it to the test and see for yourself!

[Tweet “Always remember, you have the ability to change the lens through which you view the world.”]

I encourage you to step out on a limb and reframe your perception of jealousy. Take the risks of embracing trust and releasing fear no matter how uncomfortable it feels. That feeling will not hurt you.

Your serenity in any given relationship is directly correlated with two things: a) your level of trust in your significant other and b) your acceptance of the flaws inherent of our very nature. So don’t be surprised if you find yourself feeling human every once in a while!