The SW Experts | Love And Anger
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Love And Anger


Wouldn’t it be nice if love was like it is in fairy tales and “We all live happily ever after?” Alas, life is not. This quote from my one of my books sums up the happily ever after theory, “Relationships are where we humans get our greatest education.” Everyone has positive and negative emotions that need to be expressed appropriately. It’s too bad that we aren’t always taught how to do that in childhood.

Anger is almost always our reaction to circumstances, underneath all that anger is often feelings such as fear, hurt, and sadness. People express anger in different ways that range from the silent treatment to violent rage. It’s important to work on anger issues in order not to hurt others.

I was taught, like many women, that anger was a bad thing. It took me years to let go of pent up anger through journaling and other methods, to take a time out, and stay silent instead of lashing at someone, and to express it in a healthier manner. Do I always express anger appropriately? Not always, I still find the F word so empowering to let go of my anger. My computer is often the target of my anger, in fact, I joke that if my computer was my child it would be hanging out in the hood selling drugs! I used to think it was Okay, because it was just an object, but it affects others in my household. Someone pointed out to me to think of how much my computer helps me when I start to get angry at it, which helped tremendously.

We often lash out at the ones we care about the most, when you are angry do the following:

  • Breathe deeply, go to the restroom or for a walk to be alone.

  • Sometime the best response is no response, tell them you will get back to them.

  • Journal your feelings, make a sound (yelling strains your voice), or exercise.

  • You may need to seek a specialist to help you with your emotions.

Once we become better at handling our own anger, we are better equipped to handle our potential mate or significant other’s anger. Everyone comes from different backgrounds and expresses their anger differently. My sister and I tend to want to talk about what is going on, of course we ended up with men who are opposites.

[Tweet “Once we can handle our own anger, we are better equipped to handle other’s anger #relationships”]One evening on the ride home, I was sitting in the back seat of my brother-in-law’s Camaro. When out of nowhere my ears got blasted by this loud screaming, head banging music! I really wanted him to turn it down, but something told me to stay quiet. Twenty minutes later I thanked him when he changed the radio dial. The next day I asked my sister if her husband really liked that music. Her response was, “Not really, he was mad at me, and knows I don’t like it.” Fast forward six months later when my honey was mad at me and played a radio station he never played before in the car – country music. I take twang heartbreaking music over screaming any day! But what is it with men punishing us with music?

Here are some tips on how to deal with their anger:

  • If you behaved badly, take responsibility and say you’re sorry.

  • When it’s about their reaction, don’t try to fix it, and allow them to be angry.

  • It’s important to allow them to approach you when they are ready to talk.

  • This part isn’t easy, do your best not to allow their anger to affect you, and go about your day.

  • Listen when they are ready to talk, you will have your chance to talk.

  • Each case is different, but for the most part when it is your turn to talk, do so without being defensive or judgemental.

Please note it is alright to accept different types of anger, it is never Okay to accept violence! Many moons ago, I gave a former boyfriend a semi- concussion with a phone handle because he was choking me. This was back before cordless phones and a phone handle was very heavy. Do not accept violence and protect yourself, unless they have a gun. This goes for men too, because there are women out there who are out of control with their anger.

Believe it or not, when anger is dealt with appropriately, it can bring two people closer together. Instead of doing what many people do run or hide when problems arises, they work through the issues. Love is easier to attain when two people resolve their conflict and move one. That people is true amore!