Wow! So you’ve finally found THE ONE. O.M.G. I’ll bet your totes beyond excited. You two have great chemistry, you share everything in common and the SEX…Jesus Christ, the sex. It really looks like you’re headed toward a RELATIONSHIP.
I hope it works out for you, but don’t be surprised if it doesn’t. Things happen after two people have been together for a while. You may have found some fundamental differences you just can’t rectify. Whatever the reason, every breakup or divorce comes with an infinite amount of headaches and decisions. Here are some examples of things that can be hard to resolve if it all falls apart.
1. Gifts. I gave one of my exes a valuable piece of artwork. Although it was customized for “us”, it was a commission from an highly accomplished artist. As far as I know, it could be sitting in her closet or it could have been sold or burned along with all of the handmade cards that I used to give her.
2. Sex Went Downhill. Hey, it’s likely to happen! Withered sex is one of marriages’ most deadly predators. When choosing a partner be sure there is more to it than just the sex! Things could be off the charts in the beginning then 5 years down the road, you could find yourself wishing you were polishing your floor while faking an orgasm .
3. Joint Property. In the event of a breakup, who owns what? Is it a “what’s mine is yours” type of thing? Do you just “share” everything out of love? What about the espresso machine? The Dyson vacuum? The Go Pro?
4. Pets – This one’s tough! You both love the dog. The dog loves both of you. You are both going to hurt the dog.
5. Business Ventures. So during your happy days, you’re joint startup became an enormous success! But now it’s time to part ways and you are at each other’s throats. Even worse, it’s the type of business that requires you both be present.
6. What You Can’t Think Of.
Is it possible to prepare for such unfortunate struggles? It sure is! And here’s how:
Make your first date a prenup negotiation.
Hash it all out at the candle lit dinner table. Be up front. Come prepared with your terms and work out a contingency plan for circumstances described above. It would be advisable to make it a double date with your respective attorneys present.
I’ve arranged dating prenups for many clients. Here are just a few example excerpts:
“In the event of three consecutive date cancelations without appropriate cause (as defined in Appendix D. Subsection A-501v), a hearing will be held whereupon the canceler will present both written and oral arguments. At that point, the cancelee can exercise the option of accepting the excuse or dumping the cancelor.”
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“Should both parties decide to move in together, the lease shall be in Party A’s name. Party A assumes full responsibility for the lease in the event of a separation. Party A will allow party B no longer than 90 (ninety) days to vacate the premises (pending whether conditions as defined in Appendix K, Section 6, Subsection X-3556m). Personal property as listed in Attachment Y will be divided under the provisions of Clause F201c. Should individual ownership of personal property remain undefined, said property will be sold on eBay. 70% of the the sale shall go to the male party so as to account for the contemporary wage disparity between men and women.
“In the event of events arising that cannot be thought of in advance, both parties will be held at the mercy of life.”
That’s it! A CONTRACT! What better way to solve any problem? Now you can proceed to date. You’ll have no fear, no insecurity, no “WHAT IFs”.
In a perfect world, this would be useful advice. Unfortunately, we all know this world is the antithesis of perfection
RISK VS. REWARD
Anything can happen in life and only so much can be predicted. We need to take risks and it is wise to prepare for the future…for the things we can think of.
If we know ourselves well enough, we should have a pretty clear idea of what we are looking for, what we can and can’t tolerate and how to spot those things early on. Then we have two choices:
1. Go for it. If you’re okay with risking the potential stress, terror and heartache that can result from a serious relationship, it’s all yours.
2. If you know you don’t want to deal with it then stay single or don’t compromise! Don’t rest until you’ve found the person who is closest to your ideal match.
There are 3 things to learn that may best help you to select your ideal partner and spare you from hiring me to prepare your dating prenup:
1. Learn as much as you can about yourself.
2. Learn as much as you can about your partner
3. Learn as much as you can about the dynamic that emerges as your relationship evolves.