More than once we’ve watched television or sat at the movies wishing our relationships were more like Claire & Phil from Modern Family instead of what they really were like, Sleeping with the Enemy. Okay fine, on-screen relationships are highly exaggerated but don’t pretend there aren’t nuggets of truth in those couples. Like, when you’re looking over your shoulder wondering if you are washing the dishes up to their standards, it’s time to call on your inner Laura Burney (Julia Roberts) fake your own death, and #gettheFout. Take the quiz below to see how f*cked your relationship is.
1) A hottie bartender slips your love their phone number. You:
A. Pretend like you don’t see then track them down the next day to ruin their life.
B. Walk your ass straight to the bartender and tell them what’s what.
C. Hatch a plan to bring the bartender home for a fun night all around.
2) One of you wants to get down and dirty but the other isn’t in to it. What do you do?
A. Not applicable, we don’t have sex.
B. Rain check with a promise of a next day bang sesh.
C. Suck it up and let them have their way.
3) One of you is having an adult temper tantrum. How does it end?
A. Super hot f*ck-fest
B. Massive apologies, tears, and weeks of walking on eggshells.
C. Analyze each person’s side and come to a settlement based on a a calculated evaluated outcome.
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4) Your love is stuck at work late again, how do you react?
A. Bring out crazy town, text them a million times, and go through their emails looking for clues
B. Celebrate your new found freedom, crack open a bottle of wine, and do something you love, like paint
C. Again? That’s every night, for both of us.
5) You find out your love has a guilty pleasure (porn/smoking/etc.), what do you do?
A. Nothing, a pot can’t call a kettle black.
B. Go ape-sh*t, breathe, repeat, then try to talk sense into them.
C. You get roped into joining in.
6) What are your #couplegoals ?
A. I wish I knew.
B. To be a power couple without distractions like kids. But maybe we’ll get a hairless cat.
C. We want kids, grandkids, dogs, and to die together at same time holding hands.
SCORING: 1.a-0,b-1,c-2 2.a-2,b-1,c-0 3.a-1,b-0,c-2 4.a-0,b-1,c-2 5.a-2,b-1,c-0 6.a-0,b-2,c-1
Christian & Anastasia, 50 Shades of Grey
Obsessive, controlling, passionate, and all wrong. This is the ultimate f*cked up relationship because you are either dating a narcissist or a narcissist. Which in that case you should run as fast as you can or go therapy, depending. It doesn’t matter how good the sex is, a toxic relationship is never worth it. Antastesia & Christian Grey, as hot as they may be, are not living a happily ever after. Leave your relationship now and seek a more equal, loving, partnership. Sorry, but we can’t even imagine how this relationship can be saved.
Noah & Allie, The Notebook
Crazy, passionate, supportive, and envy-inducing. Congratulations you’re relationship is straight out of Nicholas Spark’s most romantic story of all time. If you’re a bird then they’re a bird which means you are on the same page and work well together. Continue down this path and before you know it you’ll have your dream house with the wrap around porch on the lake. But remember there’s crazy good and crazy bad so stay mindful and communicate.
Francis & Claire, House of Cards
Level-headed, driven, best friends, and sexless. This relationship resembles more of a business partnership than a romance. Fear not though, there’s still hope. Being a power couple is a worthy goal but balance is key. Add a little role playing (a la Claire and Phil Dunphy) to bring the sexy back.