When you first meet someone, it’s the mystery phase. Naturally you both ask a lot of questions, do the customary dance of “getting to know you”. You’re cautiously optimistic that the other side is authentic and is displaying real interest. Everyone seems to be saying the right things, but there’s still a big question mark on what this is exactly.
Now this goes one of two ways. Either both sides are speaking the same language and all goes well, or one side is misrepresenting and it’s doomed from the start. If you’re lucky enough to have attracted an authentic person, awesome! If not, it really sucks to have someone waste your time and energy on something false.
Here’s How To Recognize and Avoid Time Wasters in Your Dating Life:
Don’t Ignore Red Flags
“False relationships” happen when we ignore red flags or don’t see the other person for what they really are. It’s human nature to extend the benefit of the doubt and give people a chance to come into your world. It’s also sheer madness to let someone in or allow them to stay, when they’re covered in red flags. We’ve all done it though.
Here’s what you need to know about inauthentic people. They are attracted or intrigued to some degree on a real level, but that doesn’t change their intent. They covet you without actually intending to cultivate anything genuine. So never excuse bad behavior because “sometimes he’s nice”. We can all be nice sometimes and then choose to be an asshole in the next instant. Sometimes and maybes are never enough. Choose definite and positive behavior every day of the week.
Don’t Let Anyone Diminish Your Worth
Are you being put in your place? By this I mean the place the other person wants you to be, not where you wish to be. This happens when one person knows that they “have you”, or thinks that they do. They also know that you outshine them in some way and perhaps that sheds light on their own shortcomings. It makes them insecure, because they’re an insecure person. While it’s true that we often look for what we’re lacking in the people we choose to date; the insecure person looks to diminish it. Instead of embracing what’s great about you and promoting that, they launch a little black rain cloud and piss all over your parade. Now, to them, you’re on their level.
You Deserve Respect
A perfect example of that is a page from my own life. I was seeing a guy a while ago, with whom I shared mutual friends. We were all out one night and while standing in a group of people strange to me, he introduced me as “the girl I’m banging”. Typical dick move. Despite being mortified I didn’t sever ties with him. Stupid, right? Fast forward a few months later; we still saw each other occasionally. Now to be fair, this guy isn’t the worst person I’ve ever met. The bad behavior continued however, because I allowed him to present the worst version of himself and never said that the bullshit should stop. I knew he wanted only one thing and I never fancied myself “special” to him in any other way. Although it was never lost on me that this relationship of sorts was all about him – I had missed something huge. I was a joke. A joke to him anyway; despite my kindness and “friendship”. That remark was the first of several and every other behavior was a way to diminish me into something bite-sized – and for no other reason than to exert power over the situation and use me for sport. Lesson learned and you know what? I wasn’t even mad. I let it happen and I take full responsibility for that. In the end it said so much more about him than me, because I would never go out of my way to embarrass friend or foe that way. He is what he is and I cannot let one man’s bullshit behavior get to me. I took the experience to heart and use it as a lesson to be more vigilant in my own life.
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If you’re a man reading this, don’t be THAT guy. Don’t covet something you have no intention of cultivating past sex. Grow up and know that what you put out in the world can and will come back to you. If you’re a woman reading this, let this be a lesson in knowing your worth. Grow a pair and never compromise yourself for “good enough for now”. There are too many quality men out there dying to treat you with respect, kindness, and like the prize that you are.