We’re bombarded constantly with dating advice in a world of social media, pop culture, dating expertsand so on. Each expert gives their so-called advice on everything from first dates, to sex to marriage. Now, I realize the irony in me saying this, as I one of those so-called experts weighing in on these topics. But, bear with me.
Premature Relationship Review, When is it too Soon?
One of the most debated questions out there is when to ask where a relationship is going. Should you play hard to get? Should you play games? Should you be aloof on your first date so as to not ‘scare him off’? Is it too soon to ask where a relationship is going?
So, the first thing you need to ask yourself, and it is WAY more important than his answer to this question. Do YOU know where you want this relationship to go? If you’re at all unclear on the answer to this, then it’s not fair to pose the question to him. How do you even know what you want to hear? Are you ready for an exclusive relationship? Be honest with yourself. Once you decide that you are, then you’ve put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak. Which isn’t a bad thing, IF that’s what you want. But if aren’t sure, don’t rely on him to make the decision for you.
Once you’ve got that part out of the way, I’ll let you ask: “Is it too soon to ask where a relationship is going?”. To which my answer is no, it’s not too soon. As soon as you’re starting to invest time in someone, you have every right to know where it’s going. I don’t know about you, but my time is valuable. And I know what I want, so I’m not going to waste any time with someone who doesn’t want the same thing.
But what if I scare him off?
I used to walk on eggshells worrying about this question. I’d waste months and months with a guy because I didn’t want to scare him off if he didn’t want a relationship. Not only did I waste my time, but I ended up feeling used and hurt in the end. It’s way better to know sooner rather than later. Because you know what? If you scare him off, he wasn’t the right guy for you anyway.
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I’m not saying you should start planning your wedding on your first date. You hardly know the guy. But there’s no harm in putting it out there what you’re looking for. Save yourself the time, the effort and the potential hurt by just laying out your intentions at the beginning. If you do it in a non-threatening way, chances are he’ll even respect you more for it.a
And then, if your intentions are on the same page, make sure that his walk reflects his talk. There are, as I’m sure most of you know, men out there who will say anything to get into your pants. Hold him accountable to his intentions, and make sure that he’s the right guy for you.
I’m sure there are many out there who disagree with me on this approach, but I’d love to hear it! Do you think I’m too straightforward?