People always ask me how I ended up being a revolutionary feminist and how it also feels to be a part of the atheism feminism community. Well… I didn’t choose that life. This life literally chose me when I was merely 19. It all started with bad choices and the search for something different in my life.
The first day
I smoked some weed, I vowed with every religious knowledge I had, that I would never try that drug again. It made me scared of being humane for a lifetime. It scarred me. I came up with a conclusion that a sin is a sin but outcomes and consequences do not apply at equal magnitude. Then I figured, “so why would you ever be bad and live that exhausting life if nothing’s consequence would ever be greater than the other?” Truth be told… I have never smoked pot ever since again. I was scared of how much I would find out. That discovery alone ,was enough to make me question my actions for the rest of my life. Enough to keep me on toes. Keep me sane
Being the good person
I had vowed to be, I smiled with every disappointment and pretended with every outrage in my heart. Waking up, became a mission and not a purpose. Most days, I couldn’t tell if I was faking it or was real. My life, became the book I always wanted to read that has this happy ending even though good luck never deserted it, at any moment.
Then I met this weird human beings who taught me that living life meant living like your own creator. Sometimes, I went overboard and tried to control occurrences. They often called themselves, “atheism feminists.” They taught me that being a nice human being would bring you nothing but sorrow. Intense sorrow at that. So… I stopped. Became my own creator.
[Tweet “Things happen for a reason, they say #Feminist”]
Being a feminist
I have always built walls for my heart. I even guarded the one thing I had no control over; the heart. After all, it is the one thing I could never give up or give away, even if I wanted to. Focusing on my unrealistic goals and trying to play God, I met the kindest smile and this weird body scent that made me weaken my walls. Punching through it with just one blow, this human being caught me off guard, made me mute and blind and stripped me of my feminist title.
All I was left with, while with him was atheism. I was happy, I had made my own decisions. Fuck, I was my own God. Then one day, I woke up and my protector was gone. He had pulled down my walls and guarded me all this while, and now he was nowhere to be seen. Being the sissy I was, I didn’t know how I would protect myself. Clinging to his memories, it made things easier. I would still sleep unguarded hoping he was watching from a far.
Then I got the news that he was guarding someone else with all he had. That is when hell broke loose. I was scared, angry, had regrets and even wished I had never weakened my walls. So, I ran to mythical beings and begged out to anyone out there to help me. Suddenly, I could guard myself. I was on the watch. This was better than what I had. Without realising it, I was stripped off the title atheism and regained the status, “revolutionary feminist” . That is, a woman who adjusts to what life throws at her, in a positive, classy and calculative way.
Being a feminist, nothing has changed
Most days, I do things to provoke men but for the sake of my amusement. Most days, I work hard for myself. Sometimes, I try and be normal for a day even though it chokes me. It’s hard to be someone you’re not. It just happens that we also feel the need to impress people who do so little for me.
Things happen for a reason, they say. But reality states that we become the best of us. But the best is insane. Insanity is frowned upon in the society.
What do we do? As a revolution artist, I voice for my kind in a dark way but I make sure no one gets hurt either. Because I know how much it can hurt, not to be heard at the most crucial time of ones life and struggles.