It was the summer of 2012 at the end of a great first date. We were chatting in her room as she laid across her bed, blonde hair flowing to the sides, her hazel eyes looking up at me in anticipation. And what did I do? Nothing. And I lost her because of it.
It’s a question that comes up far too often. As a nice guy, probably a bit shy and introverted, should we have sex on the first date? But more importantly, as a nice guy, I was worried about offending her or making the wrong move. Let me tell you what happens when you’re too afraid to offend her or make the wrong move – no moves are made, and she’s definitely offended (more like rejected, actually). Not exactly what I wanted, right? And in fact, that’s exactly what I was trying to avoid! I didn’t want to offend her, and there I was making the poor girl feel rejected, and like she should’ve spent time with another guy who would’ve given her what she rightfully deserved and wanted. When it could’ve been the two of us.
You see, all kinds of questions and thoughts will go through her mind about you that you don’t want to be there if you start to second guess what may be happening between the two of you. First date, second date, third date, does it matter when it happens? You both want it to happen, but instead these questions and thoughts in her mind will now include her feeling rejected and wondering what she did wrong, what she could have done differently, or even wondering if you’re gay. Is that what you wanted? Of course, not. So let’s take a look at this eternal question that has plagued nice guys for centuries…
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Should Nice Guys Have Sex on the First Date?
The first and most obvious answer is YES, but let’s break into this a bit. It all depends on context, really. If the date has escalated from holding hands to kissing to outside your door to panties on the floor, then why stop a good thing? It doesn’t make either of you any less of people, and there’s really nothing more annoying to hear than the idea that we’re not primal on the inside. We may have flown into space, landed on the moon, and invented Velcro in the process, but we also never figured out how to deal with the depression that comes from having achieved such a miraculous set of feats accompanied by returning back to normal life. Bet you never thought about that one, but it’s true. And the same goes for trying to make her out to be any less than a sexual being, and to make you any less than a sexual being.
Let’s cover some of your possible excuses…
She’s Not Like That
Oh? Who says? Did you ask HER that? Chances are she is like that quite a bit, and not only are you missing out on a good proper bit of fun, but you’re also rejecting her in the process. It’s also really rude to make up someone else’s mind without them involved. In fact, I dare you. I double dog dare you to bring that up to her with an air of astute confidence. Just tell her straight to her face that you suspect she’s “not like that”, and then come back to tell me how it went. Chances are it didn’t. Assume she is, and let her prove you wrong.
She’ll Think Less of Me
For being a man with a sexual need? I think I can leave it at that, really. When you need sleep, you are…tired. When you need food you are…hungry. When you need water, you are…thirsty. When you need sex, you are..? Exactly. She won’t think less of you for giving her a right proper go at it, especially if that’s also what she wants in the process. I’m not telling you to go against her wishes, I’m talking about the both of you wanting to go there. I can’t tell you how many girls have told me about guys who pull back, and how annoying it is. Remember my story from above? The girl who wanted it, and I thought more highly of the both of us. Yeah, she definitely felt rejected, and she definitely thought less of me.
Now it’s your turn. What are some of your reasons for not having giving it to her when she wanted it, and how do you think that’s affected your dating life? Answer in the comments below and I’ll get back to you.
Don’t want to air it for all to see? No worries, mate. Feel free to hit me up and check out niceguydating.ca for more articles.