The SW Experts | Why He Can’t Commit: 4 Types of Unavailable Men
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Why He Can’t Commit: 4 Types of Unavailable Men


Girl’s Guide to the Unavailable Man

Part 1 – The 4 Types of Unavailable Men

Have you ever felt like you have the target “I attract unavailable men” on your forehead?

I can’t tell you how many women have said, “my problem is I always seem to attract unavailable men.” I hear stories all the time about dates with the unavailable man. It goes something like this:  You have a great time, spend hours talking and you have amazing chemistry and physical attraction. You feel like finally there is real relationship potential here. You’re so excited because you haven’t met someone you liked this much in a long time! In fact, he may be The One!! And then you never hear from him again. And you are left wondering “what did I do wrong?” Is there something wrong with me?

Or what about the guy you have been dating for awhile now? You always have an amazing time, he is really sweet to you when you are together, showers you with attention and compliments. He talks about how much you mean to him. Then you don’t hear from him for a week, maybe two or he just texts you but does not make any plans. But when he does finally call and he wants to see you- it’s today! Then he makes excuses, he is so sorry but he has been busy, work, a sick child etc.  Or he does not even address his absence at all instead showers you with compliments and says how much he likes you, how beautiful you are and how great it is to be with you. So you let it go because he is being so sweet.

Now if you do blow him off- all of sudden he will blow up your phone calling and texting that he has to see you. So you give in. happy-couple

After all- it is so good when you are together!

But then it’s the same thing all over again.

Then there is the man who appears to be available- you are in a committed relationship, you may even live together, but he never seems to make you or the relationship a priority. He is always late, he goes out with his friends or works too much. He breaks plans if something comes up that seems to be more important to him. He does not participate in activities that are important to you. No matter what you try you just don’t feel like a priority to him. But when you decide you are done- it ‘s over, he is extra sweet and loving, lavishing you with attention and promises.

The scenarios may be different but one thing is the same you always feel amazing when you are spending time together and he is giving you attention. You feel like he really cares about you but he never comes through in the end.

Welcome to the Unavailable Man!

Well we are going to solve this problem ONCE and FOR ALL!

This week I am going to reveal the four types of unavailable men. You will discover who they are and how they behave in a relationship.

You are going to be amazed when you read these descriptions!

I have identified 4 primary types of unavailable men. Let’s see if you recognize any of them!



1. The unfaithful unavailable man. This man is married or in a relationship with another woman.


Don’t tell yourself that you are not looking for anything serious, or you are only having fun.   Don’t fall into the trap of, he is unhappy in his relationship or it is his partner’s fault or they grew apart.

A REAL MAN DEALS WITH HIS CURRENT COMMITMENT before getting physically and emotionally involved with someone else. A man who cheats wants his cake and eat it too. That kind of man is selfish, self-centered and will run when the going gets tough.Unfaithful-man2

RUN DON”T WALK away from this man.  You cannot be “friends” with this man. Most friendships with committed men are emotional affairs that will block you from attracting your true love.

You know you are in a healthy friendship with a committed man because you know his significant other, are comfortable spending time with her and your friendship is transparent to his partner and others.


2. The emotionally unavailable man.

This is the type of man who never talks about his feelings, will not talk about the relationship or discuss relationship issues. He does not call when he says he will call. He disappears for periods of time and then shows back up and acts like nothing happened. He can use sweet talk and be affectionate but will never discuss the serious issues. He can also be passive aggressive.

You can tell this man because when you ask him how he feels about something or if you want to talk about your feelings, he will clam up, change the subject or get annoyed. Or worse, he will agree with you pretend everything is ok but then punish you with silence, disappear for days or even weeks or withhold love and affection.

AVOID THIS MAN like the plague! He will suck your energy and leave you feeling frustrated!

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3. The “commitment phobic” unavailable man.

He will never call you his girlfriend even if you have been dating for six months or more. He has large parts of his life without you, only coming to your house to hang out. You don’t spend holidays or special events together. He does not introduce you to his friends or family unless it is just as “friends” or “co-workers” or “business associates”. He says negative things about marriage and his married friends’ lives and possibly even their wives. Or he won’t have any married friends at all. business-man-running-scared

He will be vocal about how he feels about relationships, he will say things like “relationships never last” I don’t believe in monogamy, it is impossible to be with “only one person”.  He dates a lot of women or sleeps around.

Ladies, you CANNOT CHANGE THIS MAN!  You cannot show him how great a relationship can be, you cannot be so perfect or have so much fun together that he will see the error of his ways. He will only leave you feeling rejected.


You can be friends with this man ONLY if you can keep strict boundaries. If you are attracted to him, if you fantasize about him, if you don’t want to be with anyone but him, if you wish he was different so you could be together, you are asking to get hurt. If you cannot set appropriate boundaries, then you must END the relationship! You must NEVER date this man if you want to have a fulfilling, committed relationship with a man who loves you.


4. The addicted unavailable man.

This man is an alcoholic, work-aholic, sports-aholic, pot smoker, television addict, pornography addict etc. For this man these activities will always come first.  You can recognize this because you will find yourself revolving your life around his activity of choice. You cannot go to a restaurant that does not serve alcohol, you cannot make plans because of hockey, baseball, football and horse racing.  You cannot take a vacation or spend a day without technology keeping him tied to work. He will be constantly late, cancel at the last minute, or simply stand you up. This addiction comes first in his life and will always comes before you. Your sex life will also suffer, especially if he is addicted to chemicals or pornography.

He will often be sweet and remorseful, making it up to you, promising it won’t happen again, but it does, over and over. He will also lie to you and try to hide because he is in denial about his addiction and will defend it any cost. But you will know something is wrong and you will become suspicious. You will want to look through his phone, his clothes, call his work to see if he’s there and other spying behaviors. You may begin to feel like a crazy person.

Addicts are master liars and manipulators. If he is caught or confronted he will use the “OFFENSE IS THE BEST DEFENSE TECHNIQUE”.  He will immediately turn the situation around on you and blame you. You will immediately feel guilty and apologize. He will be very sweet to you, very loving to you and you will think there is something wrong with you.  Then he will continue on the same as before. By the way, this technique and dynamic also shows up when a man is cheating.

RUN DON”T WALK from this man! You cannot be in healthy relationship and you cannot be friends with an addict. If you have been in a long term relationship with this man, go to ALANON, CODA or another support group. If his addiction is something behavioral like work, TV or sports insist on counseling so he can learn how to be present in the relationship.

So that’s it for the first part of the Girl’s Guide to the Unavailable Man!

Now you know the types of Unavailable Men, next week I am going to show you how to recognize the unavailable man in the Girl’s Guide to the Unavailable Man Part II- Avoiding the Unavailable Man.