“Ok ladies now let’s get in formation.” I just couldn’t wait to say that line. Now back to the subject at hand. Guys, this one’s for you. I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Some of you have been accused of violating the “inbox” or “DM”. The inbox violations must cease and desist if you want to get a response from a woman who knows her value. We’re tired of it and we want you to know that in 2016 we’re using our inboxes to get things done! Here are the five things single ladies are tired of seeing in their inbox.
STAY OUT OF OUR INBOX IF YOU’RE MARRIED!
You picked your wife. That means you chose her for better or for worse, and whatever vows you both created. If you’re no longer happy with her, or her appearance then it’s your fault. Yes, I said it! If she doesn’t appeal to your physical side hire a nutritionist or a trainer. We don’t want to hear how pretty and sexy you think we are especially when your profile picture is of you with your wife and kids. Stay out of a single woman’s inbox because you’re looking for eye candy in the wrong place.
THE “WHEN CAN I MEET YOU” MESSAGE!
Ok, um yah, no! Please tell me what makes meeting you a priority if I don’t know you? Do we have any mutual friends that can truly vouch for your character? Ladies who aren’t on dating websites don’t exactly want to rush and meet complete strangers. So again, please tell me how we know each other? Right! We don’t! Asking a woman you don’t know out automatically upon follow or friend approval request is a bit thirsty. Have a Sprite my friend and quench your desperate thirst! We ladies think you’re a bit strange at this point.
DON’T SEND UNSOLICITED PICTURES!
This should really go without saying, but unfortunately it has to be said. What makes you think we want to see a picture of your penis or chest hair at 8:30 in the morning? If a woman doesn’t know you and you’re sending it to her inbox, please note that all the girls at the office will see it too! You’re making yourself look like a creep. Attention anyone? Don’t do that. Once we put you in the category of a psycho asshole there’s no getting out. Chances of further communication have now come to a halt! So don’t!
DON’T INITIATE CONTACT BY GIVING US YOUR STATS!
Guys, we don’t want to hear about your cars, jobs, or vacations when you’re an over 35 year old man with at least forty bathroom and car selfies on your page. You’re telling us so much about yourself already by violating the selfie code. It may come off as a bit narcissistic and attract the wrong type of woman. Gold diggers are everywhere. It looks like you can’t afford a photographer and your bathroom isn’t exactly clean. What’s even worse is when you take one in a public restroom at a nice hotel. Are you trying to hold onto the memory? Will you never be in a nice bathroom again? Complete fail! The Peter Pan syndrome is alive and on display when you have a catalogue of bathroom and car pictures. We’re not interested in your stats when you have too many selfies! You seem a bit full of yourself already.
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DON’T BE OVERLY AGGRESSIVE!
Guys you must know that if a woman doesn’t respond to you right away that she’s most likely doing something or not interested. Busy with things called work, school, you know life. No one likes a clingy person who isn’t occupied doing things they’re passionate about. If you send her fifteen messages, and she doesn’t respond let it go! Put your phone down and step away from the inbox! It’s a sign! She’s just not that into you. Let it go!
Gents I hope this saves some of you from being an inbox violator. Stay tuned for more “Inbox Chronicles” from yours truly!