Committing the sin of ‘Lookery’
It happens all the time; a man is driving his car with Madam in the front passenger seat, and kids in the back seat, when a young lady, wearing a very sexy outfit, decides to cross the road. The dilemma for the man becomes whether to stop the car, or not. If he stops, his wife is bound to give the him side eye, and if he does not stop, he still gets the side eye…just to check if everything is still in their proper place.
You see, this lookery business is almost automatic; you would have looked even before it dawns on you that you have looked. While it affects both men and women, it is worse off for men, and sometimes…just sometimes…it almost feels like they should be pitied.
Everywhere they turn, there is something to see, and being visually stimulated beings, that’s a lot of stimulation going on there. Some might call it “wandering eyes”, “roving eyes”, “checking out someone else” or any other phrase you might fancy, but we like to call it ‘lookery.’
In case it is still not clear to you, lookery is when a man, or a woman, steals looks at someone other than their spouse, girlfriend or boyfriend. Yes, women also have wandering eyes, even though often not for anything beyond checking out the biceps and sculpted abs. Case in point is the #MCM trend that women have jumped on with so much glee. With all the shirtless images of men with rock hard abs on display, women have shown they are not beyond the sin of lookery. Did we say women look but not for sexual reasons? Scratch that…literally! Women look, and it can be sexual.
A motivational speaker recently espoused this lookery business. The speaker, a woman, noted that lookery exists even in God’s house. She narrated how a certain Brother Timothy’s life revolved around the three anchors of sex, church and work. There was nothing like romance in his book. That one had since left his marriage. Instead, he is lost in the Bible…moving from the book of Habbakkuk, to Malachi, to Revelation, without paying any attention to his, never noticing when she changes hairstyle, or makes a romantic gesture. But during offering time, he is the same brother that stumbles and bumps into the person in front of him, because he has been looking at a voluptuous lady, dancing back to her seat. Ironic!
While the style of the married men might be a bit cramped in the lookery business, it is not so for the single guy. They can look from here to eternity, especially the ones with the bug. Imagine a guy, who asks a girl out on a date…he picks her up from her house, takes her to a very fine Chinese restaurant, and then suddenly, he stops paying attention to her, but is instead sneaking looks at a busty lady with an hour glass figure in a sunshine yellow dress, seated on another table to his left. Hmm! Poor date!
Sorry sister, if you have to deal with this from your man. It is just too much stress…but there are ways to handle it, without turning into a nagging wife or girlfriend, thus driving him away from you. Some of the ways are below:
#1. Learn to accept it
You are most likely blinking right now, and saying “Really??!! How does that help me?”. Well, this is the point. If you come to a place of acceptance of his behavior, you will not be easily offended by his lookery. Besides, some ladies dress in such a way that just calls for a man’s eyes to ogle them. Some women, and men, are just crazy sexy…and looking is almost inevitable!
And another truth is this, women notice attractive women too, sometimes even before their men do, which is why you see some guarded moves by other women around beautiful unattached ladies. It is natural to appreciate beauty…and fear it too. Accept it, move on and don’t turn it into a study.
#2. Don’t punish him for looking
LOL! This is almost a default approach for most women whose husbands have roving eyes. They catch him in the act, and they want to punish him. And they go on ahead to mete out this punishment to him, like he is their child. If you want to make your relationship stronger, keep the punishment for your babies, not your partner.
#3. Be interesting, be playful
Men like to play, so to grab and keep a guy’s attention, you need to be playful and interesting enough for him to stay with you. He might take his sneak peeks but essentially his mind is on you. You make him happy. Men stick with women who make them feel good, so be that woman, and you will outshine the stray ladies.
#4. Play the game
Participating in some lookery of your own, with some verbal appreciation thrown in for good measure, is sure to send him the message, loud and clear. It need not be limited to members of the opposite sex alone. Mention the beautiful lady to him, even before he has seen her, and he will look and move on, because he knows you are aware. He would have looked anyway, but you have just taken the fun out of the lookery for him.
There you have it, folks! Good luck 😉