The SW Experts | Understanding Cheaters
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Understanding Cheaters

Understanding Cheaters

Understanding Cheaters

Many people have their own views, reasoning, and understanding of cheating. What is missing are the facts which are why they cheat, who’s more likely, and understanding a cheaters mind. In Psychology Today it states that 90% of Americans believe infidelity is unacceptable, yet 30-40% of people engage in infidelity (Billi Gordon Ph.D.). This poses the question, then why do they do it? There are five reasons founded to cause cheating.


Individual Reasoning

This is where the person or “cheater” themselves have no real reason behind their behaviors. It could be the fear of monogamy which has been known to produce anxiety, and panic like attacks knowing they will remain with only one-person. Fear of being “tied down” where they might feel trapped causing a rebellion like outlook. Individual reasoning does not discriminate this can inflict men and women. The understanding is that they are placed in a situation causing and irrational fear that “normal” relationships cannot comprehend. This leaves that individual guilt-free and able to move on from their current situation without remorse. These individuals are identified and serial daters. They do not committee, but they will let you think they are. Be careful when involving yourself with these types of individuals.


Gender Reasoning

Science has indicated the men are more likely to cheat then women, because of their testosterone level. Before eyes start to roll let’s try and understand how chemicals in the body can change, alter, and even coerce an individual’s actions. So what is testosterone? This is a male chemical compound that are directly related to personality, mood, and aggression (Sherry Baker). Age, stress, and personal health are in direct correlation with testosterone increases and decreases in men. This is where men get their swagger, libido, drive, and focus. If testosterone is high they are more active and confident, and if their testosterone is low they become less engaged. So ladies if you notice your man more sexually aroused, full of energy, and confident these are indicators his testosterone levels are elevated. This is by no means an excuse to cheat, but it could be a reason why. So instead of jumping to conclusions “he doesn’t love me”, “I’m not good enough” etc. Instead find out why he stepped out, and try to go from there. This could help identify a possible issue, and help rebuild a dip in the relationship.


Personality Reasoning

We all look for personalities traits in a mate, but did you know there is a type of personality that could leave you heartbroken? Sociopaths, Narcissism, and Addictive behaviors are all indicative to problematic love lives. These individuals feel no remorse, have no understanding of others around them, and can mimic affection without ever feeling it. These individuals are difficult to identify, and leave many people in their wake. You cannot change, convince, or help them because of their inability to connect to another person. Do not invest too much time with these types of individuals because not only will you suffer, but the likelihood of abuse starts to looms. He will perform the most impressive mental acrobatics in order to make it seem as if others are the cause for his terrible behavior (Sarah P. ). They place blame on you, they are unable to identify their wrong doing, and you can easily predict their future actions. If you knew then what you know now, what would you do? That question would be irrelevant due to your ability to predict your lover’s future actions. These types of people are hard to leave, but it’s crazy to stay.

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Relationship Reasoning

Many people have problems in their relationships, but is it enough to cause someone to cheat? I’m sure many you would say no, but there are other pressures involved. Finances being the major reason, but what about education? There are mismatched couples. They are unable to communicate properly, fight consistently, and even develop enmeshed and diffused boundaries stemming from their background e.g. education, social economic, etc. This type of coupling has an individual who is dominate, abrasive, and self-assure where their partner is meek and defused from the relationship. With such differences either one within this type of relationship could become the cheater. One might feel like they are out of the other person’s league, and their partner might feel under appreciated. Relationship reasoning’s can go either direction out of sheer self-preservation and ego.


Situational Reasoning

This can fall under so many different spectrum i.e. love, money, abuse, distance, etc. Cheating is something that is done with intent! You don’t accidentally slip and fall into someone. Just like you don’t accidentally stop loving someone it takes purpose and a drive to act. So if you are in a situation that is toxic, abusive, or dangerous it is important to know that you are NOT at fault! If you no longer love someone it is part of your relationship to communicate that. Money is the root of all evil but it is the main demon we all hunt for so we can live. Distance is easily overcome when your heart is truly in it. We can make up excuses on why their partner cheated. Remember to first look at the situation, because there are many facets involved. Then ask, can we be saved? Is our relationship worth it? There is no black or white, but red and blue. Our hearts bleed for our loved ones. Our tears stream when hope is lost. Emotions are sensitive, but over time wounds heal, hearts mend, and life reignites us when it’s time.