The SW Experts | Ladies: What Makes You a Catch?
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Ladies: What Makes You a Catch?

What Makes You A CatchLadies: What Makes You a Catch?

So, tell me again how great you are. And please do explain how the last five guys you dated share the asshole gene. Skip over the part how you just might be the common denominator in ALL of these bad relationships, and go back to how wonderful you are. I’ll sip my coffee and nod in agreement and listen to you tell me all about what makes you a catch.

But This Is Not Your Girlfriends’ Dating Advice

What Makes You A CatchThat is how your girlfriends let you tell it. Not me. I want to hear everything. I’m not your BFF and I will never let you pass the buck without accepting some of the blame. (Barring the fact that this guy murdered someone or was convicted of an otherwise heinous crime) Why? Because women need to stop it already – stop blaming men solely for the decline of quality relationships in the world. How is it that women are in no way culpable? Ladies, climb down from your pedestal for a minute and grab a chair at the corner of reality and shits about to get real. Now that I have your attention, I’d actually hug you and give you a “there – there”, were this an actual conversation. Then I’d make you sit down in that chair and listen.  I’m going to tell you how to actually be that “special” woman you’re pretending to be.

Step One

Player Proof your life. Take back your power and learn to say no thank you and on to the next. You must stop playing games or involving yourself with men that do. Read more about that here.

Step Two

Be realistic and brutally honest with yourself. Even if you look like a “10”, you might be a “4” on the inside. Your beauty is NOT the power you think it is. It has the shelf life of farm fresh milk in a man’s mind, if you have nothing to elevate you past just being a pretty face. If a man seems like this is enough for him – he’s a douchebag and you need to say “next”.  If this sounds like a familiar pattern in your life, re-read step number one about 147 times and do some immediate self-reflection. This is where honesty comes in. It is life changing if you can beat yourself up a bit at this point.  And by the way, you ARE worth it – but Cover Girl commercials forgot to add that make-up is not magic spackle that hides your internal flaws. The baggage you openly carry is UGLY. Unpack it at the curb where it belongs. While you’re at it, leave your unrealistic check list of the perfect man next to it. He doesn’t exist. He’s a unicorn. The perfect man for you is not anything you think or have been told. You’re blind to him because you cling to an ideal and not reality. When you stop saying no to bad men and yes to good ones, you will get your vision back.

[Tweet “The baggage you openly carry is UGLY. Unpack it at the curb where it belongs. #datingadvice #empowerment”]

Step Three

Fall in LIKE and then love with yourself. Like and love are not the same thing. I like how pretty fresh fallen snow looks, but I do not LOVE winter. What I love about winter is how my son loves winter. If it weren’t for him, I’d forget the joy of having a snowball fight. He makes me remember that despite thinking snow is the work of the devil, his love of it can bring me happiness. I allow the happiness and at times I actually LOOK for it. Try looking for something similar in your every day. Once you make it a habit, happiness comes easy.

Work on yourself daily. Do things that make you happy and help you to feel good about yourself. Keep a journal and write something positive about yourself every day. Live that and believe it. No one else will believe it if you don’t first.  Maybe that sounds cheesy, but optimism stems from that belief. Don’t see the glass half full or half empty. Grab that shit and drink it while others argue its contents. That is called grabbing life by the balls. Being optimistic is also a great way to step out of your comfort zone. Choosing to step out of the darkness and walking in the light can have a rippling effect on your confidence, self-esteem and overall happiness. Now you can be special. Now you are a catch. Now you are humble, real and fit for the man that is perfect for you.