Most of us hope we’ll find our true love, our life companion who will get old with us. Since starting my podcast, T&A Talk Sex, I’ve made it my job to study love, sex, and relationships. One morning I had an epiphany about how I’ve been going about finding love.
I had read this book called Intimacy by Osho, which i found in my friend’s bathroom. I perused it, and while at times the writing seems a little silly or simplistic for our life’s challenges, Osho talks of loving yourself before you can accept love from others, or even show love for others. We’ve all heard the spiel: You have to love yourself first, before you can love others. But no one ever really explains how. How do I love myself? How do I show myself love? How do I know when my love for myself is real?
Lying in bed, while gazing at a tree out the window, I urged myself to wake up, but my body was slow and wanted to sleep more. Suddenly I connected with a chapter in Amy Jo Goddard’s book, Woman on Fire (we just interviewed her), and she talks about doing a 2 minute body check-in every morning – a ritual where you start with your feet and move all the way up to your head with your hands (no skipping your sexy bits!) … I understood what Amy Jo Goddard was talking about with the two-minute rubdown of your body: Until I started showing my body and myself love every morning, no one else would be able to show me genuine love. I must start by showing love and respect to my own body daily. It’s not enough to just think it. If I don’t do this for myself, or worse, demonstrate love for another while sacrificing this act for myself, I will never be a good partner – a whole partner – to the person I profess to love. In order to create true positive growth in the relationship, I have to maintain myself, and take pride in my consistent maintenance (sure, I brush my teeth twice a day!), but I don’t acknowledge my body, and honor it – not consistently, anyway.
For years, I’ve thought “I love myself”, “I love my body”, and so on, but rarely have I acted on it with consistency (I’m talking longer than 1 week). Rarely have I consistently done the work to show myself true love and respect. I was ignoring myself and looking outward, projecting outward for fulfillment, and then feeling frustrated, unfulfilled, and confused.
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I found my mantra for 2016!
“Consistently show myself love and acknowledgement, so I can show up more for others!”
I just started doing this in December, 2015 btw – like people who get a plant while in AA to prove they’re ready for responsibility. I pledge to do the following (even when traveling):
EVERY MORNING, I start by stretching, a set of push-ups (or similar form of light exercise), briefly practice sustaining a hand stand against the wall (I love finding balance upside-down – if I can do that, what other amazing things can I accomplish that day?!), and 10-25 minutes of meditation (see our Episode with Giselle Jones on how to clear that mind for more pleasure: How Meditation Can Improve Your Sex w/ Giselle Jones, sex therapist, Ep.73)
What daily ritual do you perform to acknowledge your own presence in the room? How do you show love for yourself, and in turn, your partner you’ve chosen?
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