The SW Experts | Who you were is not who you are in a relationship
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Who you were is not who you are in a relationship

Who you were is not who you are in a relationship

We each have our own journey through

Our late teens and 20’s, it obviously plays out very differently for everyone. I myself was a hot mess all the way through. I had the all too often heard about story of hardships at home in an unstable, single parent environment and it led to some crazy shit as I got older. I was unpredictable, risky and mostly unhinged. I drank often, dabbled in drugs, and cheated on many a boyfriend.

For years after I got my life together

Just thinking about my past made me feel awful and ashamed. That was not the real person I am at my core and I had no way to erase all of those mistakes. Looking back, many of the guys that I discarded without a thought were honestly great guys. The kind of guy that make you say to yourself “how did you let that go?”. Others were just plain awful. Cheaters, assholes and the occasional self absorbed jerk amongst other undesirables. As the years ticked by I became harder and harder on myself when it came to my vision for my future with a partner. I didn’t think I would ever find a great person who would want me as their ‘other half’. Even if I did, how did I possibly deserve it?? I was positive that I’d ruined any good karma for my relationship future with all of those mistakes I’d made in my past. I was moving forward in so many ways while becoming my true self yet I couldn’t see myself with a fresh outlook when it came to men.

[Tweet “It’s not who you are as a person, it’s just your past #ANewYou”]

Then, I met the greatest guy

The guy. From day one, he treated me like gold (and thankfully has for the last 8 years). He barely batted an eye each time I told him a story about who I was back then. “You were a kid” he would always say, “We all have a past babe, it’s not who you are as a person, it’s just your past”. WOW. That was a game changer for me. I started to see his point and realized that I did, in fact, deserve this man. I am a really good person who, like everyone else, has a past. In my case, it’s one that’s colorful and pretty crazy but I wouldn’t change it for anything. If I did, I wouldn’t be who I am today and I wouldn’t be what I think is a pretty amazing wife and mother. Learning the hard way really did bring out the best in me in the end. After all, it’s not who you were in your past relationships, it’s who you are in this one that makes all the difference. Learn from your mistakes and look back fondly while being kind to the memories of your younger self. They’re what made you the you that you have to offer to someone else now, happily ever after.